Motherhood

Rediscovering Yourself Outside of Motherhood

December 3, 2021 /

Rediscovering Yourself Outside of Motherhood by your guest author: Natalie Michelle Coaching

It is always a pleasure to collaborate with like-minded women who share the same values and vision as a creator. Natalie is a Life Coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner whose passion to help women become their most confident self is shown through her work. Reading through this article for the first time, I felt empowered and grateful. I am confident any mama will find this information helpful and practical.

Becoming a mother is one of life’s greatest experiences. To bring new life into the world and to teach your very own mini-me how to grow into the best version of themselves, navigating the world with grace and kindness is a true blessing.

But with the life altering experience of becoming a parent comes challenge. Your body, your relationships and your life can all become unrecognisable as your priorities shift overnight. 

Your body is different, after it’s grown and stretched to safely home your bundle of joy. 

How you spend your time is different, now you’re catering to every one of your child’s needs, whether it’s midnight feeds or party pick-ups.

Your relationships are different, you’re no longer just lovers, but parents and carers.

Your income is different, as it’s spent caring, feeding and clothing the apple of your eye.

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but with so much change it’s easy to feel lost in a life that no longer feels like your own, and with that sense of lostness comes a loss of confidence.

You can quickly slide into being only a mother rather than an individual with their own thoughts, feelings and dreams too, because let’s face it, the job of being mum completely takes over. After a day of being a maid, cook, taxi and carer there’s often little time or energy left to invest in yourself. But it’s okay to want to be something more than just ‘Mum’. 

Afterall, if you can be a happier, more confident version of you, that will also make you a happier, more confident mother to your children.

"Afterall, if you can be a happier, more confident version of you, that will also make you a happier, more confident mother to your children."

So if you’re feeling like you’ve lost your identity, here are some tips for rediscovering yourself outside of motherhood.

How to rediscover yourself outside of motherhood:

Say Yes To You

To rediscover who you are outside of being a mother, you need to be willing to put yourself first, which can feel wrong when Mum guilt is quick to set in. When your existence seems to revolve around pleasing or caring for everyone else in your life, taking 5 minutes for you can feel like a luxury. But as a woman with her own needs, existing just to be at the service of everyone else is not sustainable or healthy. So first you need to change your perspective on what taking time for you means. 

As a parent one of your responsibilities is to be an example to your children, so think about what not putting yourself first will teach them, by asking yourself these questions:

  • Do I want my daughters to grow up thinking that to be a mother you have to sacrifice everything else that you love and enjoy?
  • Do I want my children to believe that everyone else’ happiness is more important than their own?
  • Do I want my kids to grow up thinking that living a life that feels unfulfilling at worst and dull at best is normal?

I’m sure the answers are no, but children learn not only from what you do, but from what you don’t do too. Remember that next time doing something for you feels like a luxury you don’t deserve.

Remember You

After the life changing event of becoming a mother and every spare second now taken up wiping snotty noses, watching kids television repeats or tidying up toys for the zillionth time, it can be hard to remember who you used to be before your little ones came along. But taking time to remember the person you were pre-children is key to rediscovering what sets your heart on fire (aside from your little darlings).

Take some time to remember:

  • What did I love to do in my spare time?
  • What made me laugh?
  • What were my dreams for myself?
  • What words did I use to describe myself?

Write these down in an easy to view place to revisit anytime you wish you were ‘more’ – after all these things don’t cease to be true just because you’re now a mother.

Take Time For You

The list you created previously should now be stuck in your mind and burning a hole in your pocket, so now it’s time to act on it. Schedule in some (non-movable) time, to do the things you used to love to do and that would make you laugh. Put it in your family calendar or book a babysitter – anything that makes you commit to it. 

Make a plan to realise those dreams you had with small, realistic steps that can work with your busy lifestyle. 

Update the mental list you reel off when someone asks you about yourself (‘I’m a lover of gin, dancing and trying new food’ instead of the default ‘I’m a mum’). 

But above all PRIORITISE YOU, because you owe it to both yourself and your children to be the happiest person you can be xx

Meet the author

Natalie is a certified Life Coach and Neuro Linguistic Programming Practitioner specialising in helping women to find direction, believe in themselves and create solid self confidence so they can live life feeling happy and confident. To find more about working with Natalie, visit www.nataliemichellecoaching.com

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