4 Practical Ways to Teach Your Child to Be Independent

Sitting across from me at our dining room table, I watched as my daughter refused to eat yet another cooked meal due to her personal food preferences. I knew that it would be MAYBE an hour before she’d ask me for a snack, so I refused to allow her to leave the table until all food was finished on her plate.  

Her face dropped as she slouched over her plate to finish it against her will. And if you are a parent, you know this feeling all too well. The feeling of having them agree to your terms, but also having the guilt linger knowing deep inside it’s not what THEY want. 

I replayed this scenario in my head with a different perspective. What if this were a work lunch with my superiors? What would happen if I didn’t like what I ordered or were full from a snack I’d had earlier? Would my manager refuse for me to leave the restaurant until my plate was finished? Absolutely NOT. 

So from that moment, I decided that would be the last power struggle I’d have at dinner. As a mother, I’m constantly doing a self-inventory that always boils down to one essential question: What will my children remember when they look back on their childhood? If there’s one thing I want my child to remember growing up is that she had choices. I want her to be able to speak up for herself and make her own sound decisions (within reason, of course.)

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.” – Dennis Waitley

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Here are four practical ways to teach your children to be more independent:

1)Let them be part of the decision-making process. This could be small choices from which restaurant to eat at or choosing an activity for the weekend. I find this a really fun way for me to be a more present mother. I block off one day a week to let her pick what we do. It could be a trip to Target or a movie day at home. There will, of course, be big, life-changing decisions that you will have to make on their behalf. BUT being mindful of their preferences is so important, too.

2) Always present more than one choice. My goal is for her to be comfortable speaking up about what she likes and dislikes. Sometimes, it’s as simple as putting out two outfits for school. If I want her playroom to get cleaned, I’ll ask her if she wants to put the toys in her toybox OR organize her books. Giving her small choices to make now will allow her to not second guess the big decisions she will make later on in life.

3) Help them have a clear understanding of consequences. Part of being an independent decision-maker is teaching her that every choice she makes has consequences. There are evenings she does not want to go to bed on time. I remind her that she has two options: Stay up late and sleep in, or get to bed early to go to the park in the morning. This helps her grow a greater awareness that each action has a reaction.

4) Speak life over them and remember the word choice you use matters. When I became a mom, I told myself I’d refrain from using the word ‘bad’ to describe my child whether I’m talking to her or describing her to others. My daughter is as strong-willed as they come, so every day is a challenge. However, I make it a point to remind her she is important and smart. Regardless of what stage of life my child is in, I want them to be confident enough in themselves to make good decisions.  

As a mom, my only job is to give my daughter the wisdom she needs to make sound choices. I recognize that controlling every aspect of her life will not only bring me stress, but it will leave no room for her to be confident enough to stand up for what she believes in. For me to do that I must include her in the decision-making process, present choices, give her a clear understanding of consequences, and speak life over her. What is one way you will help your child become more independent today? Let me know below!

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Please note that this page contains affiliate links. See my full disclosure here.